I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
