after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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