well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
