Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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