im about as happy as oj after his trial
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize