Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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