he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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