Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
