They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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