Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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