FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
