I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
