Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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