It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
