I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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