My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
