if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
