you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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