The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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