Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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