would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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