Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
