I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
