i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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