I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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