Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
