I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
