It's just like the Real World with babies
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
