just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
