I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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