I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
