yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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