They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
