I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
