He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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