You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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