It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just high enough for therapy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
