So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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