where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
