I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've blown a few things in my day
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina