I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..