So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
