So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
