we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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