Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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