Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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