I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
