Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
