I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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