It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
