a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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