this beer tastes like vomit already
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
