Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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