Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
