watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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