I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
