I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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