Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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