I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
