I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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