Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize