YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize