Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
