Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
