So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.