who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
