Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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